


Just an Average Joe

by Fairleigh



Category: Original Work
Genre: 5 Times, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25638307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairleigh/pseuds/Fairleigh
Summary: I have a brilliant new plan for destroying the world,” The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds cooed with winningly seductive villainy into Joe’s ear.“I have a plan for sleeping until noon,” Joe replied. “It mostly involves you not talking or, ideally, going away.”
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character, Retired Male Superhero/Male Supervillain Who Keeps Seeking Him Out Because He Misses Him
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50
Collections: Rare Pairs Exchange 2020





	Just an Average Joe

It was the fifth Sunday of Joe’s retirement.

A lazy Sunday was a lovely opportunity to sleep in late while bathed in the mellow morning sunlight filtering in through the bedroom window. It was, in short, a Sunday morning like any other …

… except for the very small, very minor fact that The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds was in Joe’s bed and spooning with him.

I have a brilliant new plan for destroying the world,” The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds cooed with winningly seductive villainy into Joe’s ear.

“I have a plan for sleeping until noon,” Joe replied. “It mostly involves you not talking or, ideally, going away.”

“Oh, c’mon, Mister Magnificent. I just know you want to hear aaall about my brilliant new plan. It involves lasers, missiles, and plenty of explosions — some of your absolute favorite things.” One of The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds’ Ultimate Hands stroked Joe’s abs and began sliding suggestively downwards. Soon enough, of course, the Ultimate Hand had found what it had ultimately been seeking. “My, my. Still as magnificent as ever, I see.”

“Go away, Destro.” Joe slapped at the offending Ultimate Hand.

“Your Magnificence’s wish is my command.” The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds disappeared with an ardent, sucking smooch on the nape of Joe’s neck.

~*~*~

It was the twenty-first Tuesday of Joe’s retirement.

Tuesdays were for Belgian waffle brunches, and Joe was getting darn good at wielding the waffle iron. “Nobody’s nooks and crannies are as perfectly golden brown as mine!” he said aloud to himself in satisfaction as he plated his creation and covered it with a heap of fresh berries and generous swirl of whipped cream.

“I couldn’t agree more,” The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds said amicably as he helped himself to a seat at the kitchen table. “About your nooks and crannies, that is.” He leered at Joe. “So perfectly golden brown and de- _lish_ -us!”

“Um.” Joe decided to pretend he hadn’t noticed the leer or the come on. “Do you want a waffle?”

“Hmm.” The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds pretended to consider his options carefully. “I’m not in the mood for waffles, but I _am_ in the mood for an extra helping of Mister Magnificent. I’ll have him here or to go, whichever is easiest for you.”

Joe frowned. “I’m not Mister Magnificent anymore. These days, I’m just your average Joe.” He paused. “The name is ‘Joe,’ too, by the way. In case you were wondering. Also? I don’t take special requests.”

He snapped his fingers and sent The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds sailing several lightyears skyward in the direction of the planet Uranus.

~*~*~

It was the thirty-eighth Friday of Joe’s retirement.

Joe decided to take his dog Dustina for a long walk in the park. They were taking a short break on a park bench when The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds appeared on the bench beside him.

“What kind of dog is _that_?” The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds asked Joe with distaste.

“ _Dustina_ ,” Joe said, putting clear emphasis on his dog’s name, “is a cockerpoo.”

“A what?”

“A cockerpoo. Half cocker spaniel, half miniature poodle.”

“Are you for real?”

Dustina barked twice at The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds and then growled. _My Joe_ , she seemed to be saying, _not yours. Back off, buster._ She was so small and fluffy in any case that even her acts of aggression were ridiculously cute.

“Absolutely. Dogs are man’s best friend.” He scooped Dustina up, cuddled her close to his chest, and nuzzled her silken, feathery ears. Dustina reciprocated this show of affection with a warm, wet lick to Joe’s lips.

“I don’t understand why _a dog_ gets to kiss you,” The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds said, pouting. Then he disappeared in a fit of sparkly purple pique.

~*~*~

It was the fifty-third Saturday of Joe’s retirement.

Joe was attending the Power Pack’s first-annual superhero team reunion celebration. The entire Power Pack gang was in attendance and wearing their old superhero costumes (one night only, and for old time’s sake only, you understand) …

… and so, weirdly, was The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds. Instead of his usual ionic armor, though, he was wearing what, improbably, looked like a rented tux. He looked improbably, remarkably handsome in that rented tux, too, Joe couldn’t help but notice.

“Um, who invited him?” Joe a.k.a. Mister Magnificent asked.

Yellow Shoulders shrugged her yellow shoulders. “Beats me.”

“Your Magnificence. May I have this dance?” The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds asked Joe with rakish smile and a dashing bow.

“For old time’s sake only, you understand,” Joe a.k.a. Mister Magnificent said.

They danced the night away. The rest of Joe’s retired Power Pack teammates were powerfully impressed by the show, and when “Macarena” started playing, they may have also joined in.

~*~*~

It was the fifty-fourth Sunday of Joe’s retirement.

A lazy Sunday was a lovely opportunity to sleep in late while bathed in the mellow morning sunlight filtering in through the bedroom window. It was, in short, a Sunday morning like any other …

… except for the very small, very minor fact that The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds was in Joe’s bed and spooning with him.

“Good morning, Your Magnificence,” he said.

“The name’s ‘Joe,’ remember?”

“Oh. Right. You may have mentioned that before. Sorry.” He didn’t sound all that sorry, though. And when he began nibbling on the sensitive lobe of Joe’s ear, Joe knew for certain that he wasn’t sorry at all. “It’s just … I missed the fights. The fights, the battles for dominance, the duels to the death …” The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds resumed nibbling Joe’s earlobe. Joe let the nibbling continue for a few moments before rolling over to face The Ultimate Destroyer of Worlds. OK, Joe decided, it was time to get serious.

“If you missed me that much, you could’ve just told me. You know I’ve never been the type to judge people negatively for honest feelings, Destro,” Joe said.

“Hm. Would you consider coming out of retirement for me?”

“Hm. Don’t push your luck.”


End file.
